Tag Archives: humor

The 11/3 Project

I often watch The Daily Show, and Jon Stewart's recent tribute to Glenn Beck was just so awesome that I have to mention it on my blog. He just emulated Glenn Beck so well that I could very well imagine Beck saying the exact same things. It probably wouldn't be funny at all if you've never had the misfortune of seeing Glenn Beck speak, though.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The 11/3 Project
www.thedailyshow.com

The sad thing is that the arguments used in the eight-minute parody are just as strong as the ones Glenn Beck's fans swallow hook, line, and sinker all the time. Unless his fans think his show is actually a comedy ...

Messages from distant galaxies

Galaxy Zoo, which is an astronomy project which takes advantage of an army of online slaves to classify galaxies, has discovered some truly remarkable galaxy clusters. The galaxies are regularly aligned to a suspicious degree as can be seen in the images below:

We apologize for the inconvenience

Caution! Structure formation in progress

Each image of each galaxy in the above pictures has not been doctored in any way, so it is even more incredible that the galaxy clusters seem to form letters and even whole sentences. It almost makes me think that there really is a God, who turns out to be surprisingly apologetic and considerate enough to warn us while He plays with unimaginable quantities of matter.

Gays destroying families

Kissing Penguins

Via NPR Science Friday on Twitter: a gay penguin couple stole eggs from straight couples in a zoo, replacing the eggs with rocks so the theft wouldn't be noticed right away. That's what certain people must have meant when they claim that gay marriage would destroy family life. Gay couples will steal all of the straight couples' children, and in humans but unlike penguins, straight couples would be too dumb to notice that their children have been replaced by baby dolls!

Alarming news from the LHC

Despite the successful beam circulation in the LHC with no apparent ill effects, it has been revealed the LHC only avoided destroying the Earth because the planet had already been destroyed:

It is our duty to inform you that as of 7:35:05am UTC on September 10, 2008, the Earth has been destroyed.

The destruction of Earth was first reported by Mr Jonathan Barber of Wisconsin, United States, who spotted that his home-made seismic Earth Detector had ceased to give readings at around 8:00am (2am local time). Several other amateur geocide spotters noticed this at the same time but Mr. Barber was the first to place a telephone call to the IEDAB's Geocide Hotline (+44 115 09Ω 4127, ask for Other Dave) at which point IEDAB officials performed an emergency check of their own instrumentation and verified Mr. Barber's report, as well as fixing the exact time of geocide.

Evidence is still being collated, but preliminary results suggest that the Earth was destroyed pre-emptively by scientists at the Large Hadron Collider at CERN, Geneva, Switzerland, before the commencement of their experiments to locate the Higgs Boson, as a precautionary measure to ensure that the experiment itself could not result in the destruction of the Earth.

A solution to Crackergate

PZ Myers' tongue-in-cheek threat to desecrate consecrated communion wafers has caused a storm of controversy throughout the World Wide Web. Personally, I think it's being way overblown by a few oversensitive Catholics. It's going way too far when there are ridiculous attempts to get him fired, a delusional paranoia of a mild-mannered professor who at most threatened to mess up a cracker forces additional security at the Republican National Convention, or death threats are sent.

I would like to make a modest proposal that would hopefully be satisfactory to everyone. Instead of pelting PZ Myers with death threats and (heaven forbid) actually implementing them, I propose that a representative from the Catholic side desecrate a consecrated calamari dish for each consecrated wafer that PZ Myers desecrates. The calamari will be consecrated with an agreed-upon ritual, through which the dish will be transubstantiated into the flesh of PZ Myers. For those who literally believe that a consecrated wafer is transubstantiated into the flesh of Jesus Christ, I'm sure they can come up with evidence and arguments, which would be of similar quality to those that support their belief in transubstantiation, to justify that the calamari dish would indeed have been transubstantiated into the flesh of PZ Myers.

I believe that this would satisfy all of those involved. For those who believe a cracker is just a cracker, desecrating calamari will look just like a silly response to a silly desecration of a cracker. And for those who believe that a cracker can literally be the flesh of Jesus Christ, desecrating calamari would be equivalent to doing bodily harm to PZ Myers himself, so it should satisfy their bloodlust without invoking a violent response in those that do not believe in transubstantiation.