Tag Archives: sarcasm

Withholding fictitious donations

Pharyngula mentions that certain people claimed to have withheld million dollar donations to the University of Minnesota, Morris because PZ Myers desecrated a cracker (amongst other things). Adding up all the claims would suggest that the university would not get any donations this year. Surprise, surprise, donations to the university actually went up this year. Maybe there was a single person who actually withheld their planned million dollar donation to the University of Minnesota, Morris, but there is no way all of the claims were serious.

This gives me an idea. Maybe I should tell certain churches that I had planned to donate millions of dollars to them, but I changed my mind because they were religious, intolerant, hateful, homophobic, etc. Unlikely to have any effect, I know: just look at how well the tactic worked on PZ Myers and the University of Minnesota, Morris. Then again, if a church can believe that someone sacrificed himself to himself to save people from damnation that he himself administers ...

Missing birth certificate

Representative Roy Blunt of Missouri said:

What I don't know is why the President can't produce a birth certificate. I don't know anybody else that can't produce one. And I think that's a legitimate question. No health records, no birth certificate ...

The "birther" conspiracy is a batshit crazy conspiracy theory that is getting far more attention than it deserves, and here Roy Blunt is saying something incredibly ironic to legitimize a fringe claim. Googling "Barack Obama birth certificate" gives a news article right on the top which shows a copy of Barack Obama's birth certificate. Compare this to googling "Roy Blunt birth certificate", which shows no sign of Roy Blunt's birth certificate for ten pages. Is Roy Blunt an American citizen, much less a natural-born American?

What I don't know is why Representative Roy Blunt can't produce a birth certificate. I don't know anybody else that can't produce one. And I think that's a legitimate question. No health records, no birth certificate ...

No terrorists for US prisons

Senate Democrats have promised to prevent detainees in the Guantánamo Bay facility from being transferred to prisons within the US. The ostensible reason is that they do not want the detainees to be released within the United States, which is patently ridiculous on its face: there is no way they could confuse transfer of prisoners to another detention facility with releasing them. There has got to be another reason.

In fact, I can think of two possible reasons. One is that Senate Democrats are very soft on terrorism: it would be very hard on alleged terrorists to be detained along with other violent and psychopathic criminals. How long do you think an alleged terrorist would last inside a maximum security prison? For that matter, Republicans must also be worried enormously about the safety of the alleged terrorists, given the same "not in my backyard" responses.

Or maybe Senate Democrats have something entirely different in mind: if the detainees can't be moved to the United States or any other country in the world, where can they be moved to? The answer should be pretty obvious: space! They must be taking a leaf from Britain and Australia, and they must be planning to ship them to a colony in orbit, the Moon, or even Mars. The prospect of a space colony really excites me, even if it is going to be filled with the psychopathic or the very unlucky rather than the best and the brightest.