Tag Archives: transubstantiation

A solution to Crackergate

PZ Myers' tongue-in-cheek threat to desecrate consecrated communion wafers has caused a storm of controversy throughout the World Wide Web. Personally, I think it's being way overblown by a few oversensitive Catholics. It's going way too far when there are ridiculous attempts to get him fired, a delusional paranoia of a mild-mannered professor who at most threatened to mess up a cracker forces additional security at the Republican National Convention, or death threats are sent.

I would like to make a modest proposal that would hopefully be satisfactory to everyone. Instead of pelting PZ Myers with death threats and (heaven forbid) actually implementing them, I propose that a representative from the Catholic side desecrate a consecrated calamari dish for each consecrated wafer that PZ Myers desecrates. The calamari will be consecrated with an agreed-upon ritual, through which the dish will be transubstantiated into the flesh of PZ Myers. For those who literally believe that a consecrated wafer is transubstantiated into the flesh of Jesus Christ, I'm sure they can come up with evidence and arguments, which would be of similar quality to those that support their belief in transubstantiation, to justify that the calamari dish would indeed have been transubstantiated into the flesh of PZ Myers.

I believe that this would satisfy all of those involved. For those who believe a cracker is just a cracker, desecrating calamari will look just like a silly response to a silly desecration of a cracker. And for those who believe that a cracker can literally be the flesh of Jesus Christ, desecrating calamari would be equivalent to doing bodily harm to PZ Myers himself, so it should satisfy their bloodlust without invoking a violent response in those that do not believe in transubstantiation.